Grateful for Him || Where it all began...

This is something I never thought I’d be able to say, never mind write for all the world (or my nosey immediate family) to read…

I graduated. I graduated as a primary teacher.

To most of you, that’s not a huge deal. But to me it is. The biggest, in fact. Let me explain…

March 2013. March 2013, lying on my bed in my parents house, drunk on tiredness as once again my sleeping pattern is out the window (fun fact: I’m writing this at 2:20am, some things never change!). I was being my usual ridiculous, thoughtful self. I was fed up of my best friend at the time draping herself over her then boyfriend at every opportunity, and on the rare occasion it was just the two of us, hearing about how wonderful her current Mr. Right was. I was fed up of family asking fishing questions, trying to suss out my sexuality in a non-judgmental way as ‘it had been so long since I had a boyfriend’. I was fed up of listening to people moan about insignificant things their other half would do, missing the point that they were lucky to be in such a relationship in the first place. 

In any life decision, the strategy of ‘Stuff it. I’ll give it a go’, is often a poor one. However, for the first and only time, I’m so glad I bit that cyber bullet. I believed that the only people who would be on internet dating websites would be ‘woman with cats’ types, sovereign ring wearing older men, cheaters or just general all-round creepy types that NO ONE wanted to meet. 

I’ll put my hands up and tell you that I was a judgy sod regarding the topic, making instant assumptions of anyone who dared admit they used such a service. This fire was fuelled by my dad’s lectures of ‘the type of people you get online’. Yet, there I was, firing up my barely functioning laptop and signing myself up. Yep, I know. Plenty of Fish, or ‘POF’ as it’s known to the cool kids (so, not me), was my weapon of choice. I chose this one as it was free and, as a permanently skint student, it made economical sense! I cringed at every box I was ticking or filling in. Every photo of myself I discarded as I hated, and still hate, photos of myself. It was an all-round painful process. As expected, it spewed profiles of ‘possible matches’, some of which matched my pre-judged categories, the rest being boys from my year at school or there-abouts and I had ZERO intention of speaking to, never mind dating!

In a very sliding doors-esque moment, I decided I’d scroll one more time as my resilience to the poor choices this online equation had given me, was waning. Fast. So I did. The very last picture made me double take. ‘Jesus! No waaay… he’s definitely got a girlfriend… look at him! He must be cheating. He wouldn’t be the first either.’ My thoughts the moment saw his profile photo. Didn’t stop me clicking on his profile to prove my assumption right, or so I thought. I'm not sure what it was about it that changed my mind, other than the fact he sounded so kind and genuine and unlikely to be cheating. How I’d know that is a mystery. It was just a gut feeling at the time. In hindsight, I can’t believe I thought this about the man I'm marrying next year! Not my finest hour, it has to be said. 

Again, it was a ‘Stuff it. I’ll give it a go’ moment, as I thought there was no way a man like him would even look at a girl like me, I went for it. In my message I spraffed about how I was new to this and ‘just wanted to say hello and sorry if this isn’t the right thing to do but I've just got this, if you want to ignore this I understand but I have nothing to lose hope you’re having a good day’ type thing… luckily POF doesn’t keep messages so I’ll never have to remind myself of the cringey rubbish I came out with.

Luckily the cringey-rubbish approach worked and he replied! Of course my initial reaction, before opening the message, was that it was a ‘thanks but no thanks’ or wind-up response. Isn’t it funny how people can hide so well behind their keyboards, but the minute they’re responded to or challenged, the panic sets in? Well, it did for me. I was quite comfortable in my assumed reality where he’d read it, ignore it and move on and I’d be quietly smug that ‘at least I tried’, didn’t get hurt and gave it up after the first attempt at scrolling through. Imagine my shock and confusion when he not only replied, but was kind and seemed mutually interested! That’ll teach me!

We chatted back and forward all day every day/night for months until we finally met on the 12^th May 2013, at the Omni centre in Edinburgh. I know, I’m a classy human! As he lived in Fife at the time and I lived in Midlothian, we skyped a lot so meeting in person wasn’t quite as scary, but I still thought my stomach was going to hit the floor when I first saw him with the crescendo of nerves and excitement. I was doing the really brave thing of hiding behind one of the massive pillars in the centre, facing the direction he’d come, from the train station, so as I would see him coming before he saw me. See? Classy! I saw him coming like something out of a film and he walked up to me, softly said, ‘let’s get this out the way’ and kissed me. Our very first kiss. He saw it as romantic, and I initially saw it as ‘let’s get this over and done with’ approach. Not the sentiment you hope for when experiencing a first kiss with your possible new boyfriend! I have since understood his intention, thankfully!

Our first date was dinner and a film (we are originality personified!). Alas, our date went so well, we chatted through dinner and through what would have been the film we planned to see, ‘The Hangover’, and neither of us had noticed! We talked about all sorts of things from our jobs, our family and friends and our upbringings, as neither of us had a textbook childhood! As we missed that showing we decided to go and see what we could still see, if anything. The only thing we could see due to timings was ‘The Purge’. Definitely not ideal. I am the biggest wuss I know. Scary films are not my favourite nor something I deal with, with any sense of subtlety or elegance and I was trying to give at least a slight hint that I was at least one of these as it was only our first date! I jumped and squealed throughout, as suspected. He didn’t seem to mind as he asked me on a second date after the film. Success! Unexpected success!

Around the same time, I was choosing between Aberdeen and Edinburgh Uni to study teaching, having been accepted by both after gaining straight A’s at college. I was truly swithering, undecided and indecisive as always, spending sleepless night and painfully long days listing pro’s and cons and imagining myself in either situation for hours on end. However, on the bus home that night, I had made my choice. Edinburgh was the uni for me. I couldn’t imagine moving so far away from him or my family. A big decision to make after being in someone’s company for just a few hours. Although we’d spoken for hours before meeting, being with someone in person is very different. The rest, as they say, is history.

I haven’t, and will never, regret that decision. It was one of the best I have made in my life. Roll on married life!